


Hold My Hand, I'm Falling Asleep

by StephieJohnson13



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Future-ish Fic, Mild Language, One Shot, Small rewrites to canon scenes, WILL MAKE YOU CRY ACCORDING TO SEVERAL PEOPLE!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephieJohnson13/pseuds/StephieJohnson13
Summary: Five times Felicity tells Oliver to hold her hand and the one time Oliver tells her to hold his.





	Hold My Hand, I'm Falling Asleep

I.

It’s a few hours after the Undertaking and Felicity finds herself in a Starling General hospital bed. It took rescue crews hours to finally lift the cement pillar that was crushing her. It’s serious enough that she needed to stay at the hospital for at least a week, but thankfully not serious enough to kill her. Her chest hurts with every breath, there are needles in her arms and the sound of the heart monitors reassuring beeps are getting on her last nerves. She’s about to ask the nurse to either put the machine on mute or put her out of her misery when the door to her room opens. 

An ashen Oliver shyly slips into her room. He looks completely sullen as he quietly sits next to her. His azure eyes swimming with unshed tears and utter heartbreak. Shifting in her bed, painfully aware of the fact she is wearing a paper gown, Felicity waits for him to start talking. Fifteen minutes of silence from him, Felicity decides that it’s up to her to break his shell.

She whispers quietly, “Why are you here Oliver?”

He flinches, which she doesn’t blame him. The words sound harsh even to her ears. She doesn’t qualify it though. She wants to know why he decided to show up now. Why he is sitting in her hospital room now instead of helping her out from under the concrete pillar that was slowly crushing her? The heart monitor gives away her anger as the evenly spaced beeps started to increase. 

He keeps his eyes averted as his broken voice fills the room. “I… They, um… Somebody had to come identify T-Tommy’s body. I… I wasn’t able to stay at the scene so I had to wait for a-a call. I saw your name on a white board. I-I told them I was your husband. I’m so sor-sorry, Felicity.”

“Wait… Tommy?” Felicity utters in disbelief. Her hand reaches out to touch him, but the IV wires stop her from doing so.

He shakes his head while holding back tears. His mouth is pursed to keep in a sob. Felicity’s hand rests on the bed rail because her stupid IV tubes would only let her move that far. Her very soul itched to comfort her partner, but the tubing giving her a healthy dose of pain medicine was keeping her from doing so.

“Oliver…” Felicity starts, her voice oozing sympathy at his lost. At his horrible luck in life really, “I’m sorry. You… You should be with family right now. With Thea or even Laurel. Do you need me to call you a cab? Or maybe one of them? I’m sure they’re waiting for you. Go.”

Finally, his eyes settle on her. The unadulterated pain displayed on his face makes Felicity wish she had the power to turn back time. The cold calculating mask of his is long forgotten. In its place is a man who has lost almost everything that offers him the comforts of childhood. His father is dead because he wanted to save his son. His mother is in jail because she was part of a group who wanted to destroy half the city. His best friend, his brother, dead because of his mother’s plans. 

“Why are you so pure, Felicity?” Oliver whispers almost completely to himself.

Shaking her head, Felicity looks at him confused. “What do you mean?”

“You are literally lying in a hospital bed,” Oliver starts. His hand comes to rest on top of her outreached one, “because of what my mother planned. You’re here because I wasn’t fast enough. I couldn’t save anyone tonight. You’re seriously injured because you were trapped and you’re worried about me. You’re worried about me having somebody when you don’t even have someone yourself. How do you stay so pure?”

Felicity flips her hand over so that their fingers can interlace. The gesture bring her a small feeling of comfort, which she hopes he can draw from. She looks him dead in the eyes, sheer honesty painted across her face as she tries to make him believe every syllable coming from her. 

“Oliver I know you think the entire weight of the world is on your shoulders, but it’s not. _You_ didn’t have anything to do with the Undertaking tonight. _You_ tried so hard to get to Laurel and Tommy in time. _You_ told me that Verdant was ground zero. _You_ have done nothing for the last nine months but try to save everyone that you’ve met. Moira and Malcolm and all the other one percenters who knew what was happening and did nothing are the ones who are responsible. Hell, I’m even responsible for being in here because I decided to stay.

“And… I’m not pure Oliver. I am just worried about you in this difficult time. You lost your best friend tonight and your mother is in police custody. You don’t have your father to turn to. I’m sure your sister is going to need to lean on you more than ever before. In times of tragedy, people need familiar. I’ve known you nine months. They've known you your entire life.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Felicity!” Oliver yells at her. His hand tightens slightly around hers in exasperation. “You almost died tonight! Who are you going to lean on?!”

“I’m okay being alone Oliver. Besides, I have nurses checking in on me every hour. I won’t be that alone.”

“You’re not going to be alone tonight period,” Oliver argues. He removes his hand from her, making her miss the warmth immediately. He slowly removes his leather jacket, every move painful to him. “I’m going to stay with you for at least tonight. I can sleep in the chair.”

“Really, Oliver. It’s fine. Go be with your family.”

“No. If you’re not leaving, I’m not leaving.”

“Not fair.”

“Someone pretty wise told me that once,” Oliver retorts back with a sad smirk.

“You’re not allowed to use my words against me. It’s not fair.”

“Never promised to fight fair.”

“If you’re going to stay, then you’re at least going to sleep in a bed. I’m not that big, your can sleep on the opposite side of all the wires and needles.”

“Felicity, I’ve been in worse places. Sleeping in a chair is not bad.”

“Just get in bed with me! I don’t want to hear you complain because your neck hurts tomorrow.”

“Fine, but only because you’re using your loud voice. Also because that way I know I’ll be woken up if something goes wrong.”

“Nice to know that’s what to takes for you to get in my bed.”

“You’re going to stick with that phrasing?”

“Shh. They put a lot of pain killers in my IV. I’m allowed to mix up my words.”

“Okay. I won’t hold it against you.”

“You know what you can hold? My hand. Hold my hand, I’m falling asleep.”

Felicity is peacefully slumbering, the pain killers knocking her out. The light snoring coming from her makes Oliver’s heart melt. In the midst of all the sadness and chaos, Felicity could bring the light out in him. Carefully intertwining her free hand, Oliver places a soft kiss on her forehead. He whispers lightly to her before falling victim to his own exhaustion, “I promise.”

II.

Felicity loves riding in planes. When they take off she feels weightless, when they land it’s like a roller coaster. However, the only plane ride she doesn’t like is one where it feels like the sky has speed bumps and potholes. Also having to jump out of a plane is a major no-no for her. Yet she did it. For Oliver. For reasons that she is not ready to admit to herself yet. Okay well she admitted to herself, privately, only her dreams which she really has no control over. 

The low timber of a familiar voice that causes butterflies in her stomach and her heart to board a first class ticket on a rocket ship, “Is this seat taken?”

“Not at all.”

Oliver eases himself into the seat as if his muscles were incredible stiff. Which they probably were considering that he’s slept on an abandoned island for months. As if on cue, the plane jolts violently to the side forcing her to grab the closest thing to her. Of course it would be Oliver’s muscular arm. Letting out an unsteady breath, Felicity slowly lets go of her death grip. 

Oliver settles her with a quizzical look as he feigns a sore arm. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine, fine fine,” Felicity answers quickly, gripping the arm of the seat. “I’m just not a big fan of the whole nosediving to our death thing.”

“I think you’re over exaggerating things just a bit,” Oliver chuckles before taking her hand in his.

“I’m not though! Did you not just feel the plane jerk! I had to deal with that the whole way here. Then I had to jump out of a plane to drag your ass back from a deserted island. Now I’m back on another bumpy plane ride. You are a very important friend person to me, Oliver, but you ever pull this shit again I will ruin everything you hold dear!”

Sighing a small laugh, Oliver takes her petite hand in both of his. “What if I hold your hand until you fall asleep?”

“You seriously think I’m going to fall asleep knowing that my death is imminent?” Felicity squeaks out as her wide eyes look out the window.

It’s the sudden absence of warmth that causes Felicity to look up. Oliver is once again moving around the bumpy cabin with panther-like grace. How did that man manage to do it? Disgusted, Felicity goes back to glaring out the window and gripping the seat. As if she is single handedly keeping the plane together.

“Well screw you too then. I’m sorry that my legitimate fears of this crappy plane crashing and killing us all bored Mr. I’m-A-Billionaire-Vigilante-Who-Survived-On-An-Island-For-Five-Years. We can’t all be broody and interesting. Asshole. I jumped out a plane for him,” Felicity grumbles.

“Tell me how you really feel,” Oliver interrupts as he magically appears in the aisle next to her with a blanket and a steaming cup of something. “I just left for a minute to get you something to calm your nerves.”

Felicity glares at him, not entirely sure if she genuinely means it or if she’s joking, “You know most people announce their intentions to leave. They don’t just up and leave. You really have to stop doing that.”

“My bad.”

“Also this hunk of metal that is barely staying in the air somehow has the ability to produce something hot. Why did nobody tell me this before?!”

Smiling at her, Oliver gently passes her the half full cup of tea before taking his seat. Felicity opens her mouth to ask him if he purposely drank her tea, but Oliver beats her to the punch. “No I didn’t drink half your tea. I put that much in there because the plane is rocking and I don’t want you to get burnt because the plane jerks and spills tea everywhere.”

“That’s sweet of you,” Felicity whispers before taking a sip.

“I was going for sweet. I was also going for me not being horribly burned.”

Rolling her eyes at his joke, Felicity settles into her seat. The warmth of the cup calming her nerves despite the plane’s turbulence. She settles her gaze on Oliver as he swings the blanket out to cover both of them. Smiling at each other, Felicity bites her lip to keep from blurting out something inappropriate. Instead she breaks the quick staring contest by taking another sip of her tea. 

“So, is this like the magic poison curing island tea?” she asks, bumping their shoulders together lightly.

Smirking, Oliver nervously runs his hand through his hair. Well, Felicity would like to think it was nervously. He might of just had an itch that he wanted to inconspicuously scratch. Islands named after purgatory probably didn’t have dandruff shampoo. Not that he had dandruff. Or maybe he did. Who knew? 

It’s the tugging of her hand that breaks Felicity from her dandruff wondering. Oliver interlocks their fingers while looking at her with a cocked eyebrow. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Felicity stumbles a bit.

“I was saying that it’s just normal sleepy time tea. I save the special island tea for serious moments like lethal injections of a dangerous drug.”

They both dissolve into quiet laughter. Taking another sip, she starts to feel her eyes droop.

“Okay, I’m just going to take the cup back before you fall asleep and permanently disfigure a part of my body I quite like,” Oliver jokes as he swiftly takes the cup from her hand. Instead of getting up he just sets the cup in the empty seat across the aisle. Once again, he takes her hand in both of his.

“I’m falling asleep. That’s good sleepy time tea. I should get some for the house,” Felicity mutters as her head drops onto Oliver’s shoulder.

“I’ll buy you all the sleepy time tea you want. Now just go to sleep.”

“Okay, but hold my hand, I’m falling asleep.”

Oliver smiles wistfully before he drops a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. His own eyes drooping with the need for peaceful sleep.

“Always. As long as you hold mine.”

III.

She had just come in to comfort him. Truly. Felicity had wanted to offer words of wisdom, a comforting hug and maybe a glass of wine. What she did not plan on doing was going into the dirt room and for lack of a better term, having her brains fucked out. Granted, Oliver had started out slowly and gently. He removes her glasses before carefully carrying her half naked body to the bed. Their hips grinding together in a desperate search for friction. Their teeth clash and tongues dance as they consume each other. 

She totally wasn’t freaking out… Okay maybe she was freaking out a little bit. Never in her wildest dreams did Felicity imagine that there would be a group of assassins in a remote part of someplace called Nanda Parbat that call themselves the League of Assassins with a possible thousand year old leader. This coming from the woman who believed when she was younger that the reason her father didn’t tuck her in anymore was because he was an international spy who helped save the world with the help of mermaids and unicorns. She also never thought that she would fall in love with a billionaire who liked to wear green leather and shoot people with arrows. Nor did she ever come close to imagining that they would be in the center of the assassins’ compound when she confessed her love.

Yet here she is in Nanda Parbat enjoying her post sex glow while a very naked, very buff Oliver Queen lazily trails his fingers along her spine. The small action causes her to moan. His lips brushing against her temple softly.

The feeling of pure bless is almost enough to make her forget that she’s going to drug him and carry him out of here. Well, she isn’t going to actually carry him. Diggle probably will. She is a tiny woman after all and Oliver is basically solid muscle. That’s later though. Much later. Right now, she just wants to fall asleep in his arms. Unfortunately, Oliver has different plans.

“Felicity,” he whispers in that tone that makes her mush.

She groans as she snuggles closer into his body, “Don’t ‘Felicity’ me, Oliver Jonas Queen. You know what that does to me.”

Chuckling, Oliver places a quick kiss on her forehead. “I wasn’t suggesting that, you minx. I just… I want to hold you.”

“Okay. Hold my hand, I’m falling asleep,” Felicity mumbles, softly biting his clavicle.

Oliver keeps one arm firmly wrapped around her but holds her petite hand in his other as they drift into a peaceful sleep. The consequence of their choices can wait until tomorrow. Right now they just want to cuddle in bed and pretend that they can have a future together. Softly, Felicity starts to snore in his ear. It’s such a small sound that it makes Oliver love her even more. He presses a few more lazy kisses on her head before whispering into her ear.

“I love you, Felicity Smoak and I’m so sorry that I won’t always be there to hold your hand as you fall asleep. That doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

IV.

Felicity lays in the hospital bed staring unseeingly at the Star City skyline. Her left ring finger bare when just a few hours ago it had her future placed there. The glaring fact that Oliver hasn’t been there at all scares her. She understands that he’s hunting down Darhk’s men and she agrees that he should be out there. He’s the Green Arrow for crying out loud but it doesn't squash her fears that maybe he’s having second thoughts. Her mom had been in to tell her that Oliver knew the damage was pretty irreversible. A tear escapes her eye at the thought of Oliver backing out. Their relationship is far fetched to begin with and maybe this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Felicity stares listlessly out the window for so long it feels like time has lost all meaning. The sun has disappeared and the bright lights of the buildings flash with the bustle of night life. Still no sign of Oliver. She’s about to give up hope when the door to her room opens. Expecting it to be another doctor asking if she is doing well, Felicity continues to stare out the window. It’s not until her line of sight is interrupted by a familiar muscular form that she moves her eyes. Oliver pulls a chair up by the bed, careful not to scrape the legs along the tile because he knows how much she hates that sound. 

After he sits and carefully takes her hand, he levels her with nothing but sympathy in his eyes. She hates it. She doesn’t want him to look at her with sympathy, everyone looks at her with sympathy. His tone soft, like the vibrations of his voice are going to hurt her. “Hey.”

“Did you get him?” Felicity croaks out, her throat feeling like sandpaper.

Oliver avert’s his gaze as he responds, “No. I’m sorry Felicity.”

“It’s okay,” she responds automatically. Her gaze landing on their intertwined hands.

“Do… Do you need anything? Ice chips? Big Belly Burger? Pain medicine?”

“I’m okay Oliver,” she whispers while squeezing his hands, “I’m just happy you’re here.”

They stay there in a suffocating silence just staring at their hands. The minutes slow down or sped up, but time definitely warps. There’s no way to know how much time passes between them, but it’s too much for Felicity to take.

“The doctor’s said-”

“I know.”

“My point being that we didn’t really exchange vows, so the whole for better or for worse thing doesn’t really apply here,” Felicity babbles out quickly.

Oliver lets out a confused smile at her words. “What are you talking about?”

“That maybe the real reason you haven’t been here is because…” she trails off. The thought of him breaking up with her brings unshed tears to her eyes and her throat constricts further.

“Felicity,” Oliver sighs. He reaches around into his pocket to produce her engagement ring. He holds it up for her to see. “The nurse took this off of you in the ER. How dare she?”

Her heart stutters in her chest as he places the ring back onto her finger. He eclipses her hand with both of his one more time. 

“For better or for worse,” Oliver promises. His eyes shine with certainty at their future.

“Yeah,” Felicity sighs as he stands to lean over her for a chaste kiss. Part of her is self conscious because her lips are dry and chapped, but the logical part of her reminds her that if this man is willing to stay through her being paralyzed then chapped lips aren’t that big of a deal for him.

Oliver smiles at her with watering eyes when he finally eases back into the chair. It’s been a long day and the events of everything is finally wearing on her. She settles him with one more look before burrowing further into the hospital bed.

“Just promise me one thing?” Felicity mumbles as the call of sleep drags her further in.

“Anything.”

“Hold my hand, I’m falling asleep,” she croaks, her smile watery. “Just stay here until I’m asleep then you can go get that bastard Darhk.”

Chuckling softly, Oliver tightens his grip on Felicity’s hand. “I will always be here to hold your hand as you fall asleep. Always, baby.”

With a sleepy, content smile, Felicity drifts off to sleep with a dream of the future for them.

V.

There is one thing that Oliver can not stand and that is Felicity being in any amount of pain. A paper cut on her precious finger is enough to have him spend half an hour kissing it better and then spoiling her with whatever she could hope for. Given Felicity current situation, this must be killing Oliver. Her screams and cries probably tearing his heart into a million pieces.

“You’re almost there, sweetheart,” he whispers into her sweaty hair as she keeps a vice grip on his hands. 

“YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME THAT!” she screams at him. Her entire body is tired and longing for a simple moment for peace. “YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DID THIS TO ME! YOU AND YOUR FUCKING MAGIC PENIS WITH MAGIC SPERM THAT CAN APPARENTLY BEAT NOT ONLY THE PILL BUT A CONDOM AS WELL! YOU’RE ONLY JOB IS TO SIT THERE AND LET ME SQUEEZE YOUR HAND! YOU DON’T GET TO TALK! I AM PUSHING A FRICKIN SMALL HUMAN OUT OF MY VAGINA!”

The doctor just settles him with a smirk as she takes up position one more time. “Mrs. Queen, you’re going to have another contraction soon, but this time I am going to need you to push.”

“OH GOD!” Felicity groans. Her body is just physically beat. “How… How long has it been? I’m just so tired.”

“You’re-” Oliver starts, but is silenced by the massive pain emanating from his hand. “Ow, ow, ow. Felicity can you loosen up on my hand? It kind of hurts.”

Everyone in the room stops what they’re doing to glare at him. Even Felicity stops screaming to send daggers with her eyes. Nervously, Oliver starts to stammer out, “I… I just pulled a Ross, didn’t I?”

“I’m literally in too much pain right now to even be happy that you made a pop culture reference, even if it is one from the early 2000s,” Felicity groans. Her last few words turning into a scream as another contraction rocks her body.

“Okay, push for me, Felicity. It’s time,” the doctor urges.

Oliver flinches again as Felicity tightens her grip on his hand. She can feel the baby making its way out of her body. “SCREW LYLA! THAT FUCKING LIAR! THIS HURTS! SHE FUCKING LIED TO ME! I AM GOING TO KILL HER!”

“One final push Felicity,” the doctor urges. This forces Felicity to muster the last of her strength and push with all she has.

In a final relief, the room falls quiet for a moment. It takes Felicity a long minute to even notice that there should be crying. There should be a high pitched scream coming from a very tiny, perfect combination of her and Oliver. 

Felicity looks around panicked at the lack of noise. “Ol-Oliver. The-the baby. Why… Why isn’t he crying?”

“I-I don’t know,” Oliver stutters. He tries to peak over the wall of nurses and the doctor to see his child.

Right as Felicity is about to start freaking out, the pleasant sound of a baby crying reaches their ears. She lets out a heavy sigh of relief at her son’s screams. Tears leak from her eyes as Oliver presses kisses to her head. Their hands still intertwined as the doctor turns back around with a bundle of joy in a blue blanket.

“Here’s your baby, Mr. and Mrs. Queen. His Apgar score is 8. I’ll need to check again in another five minutes, but feel free to hold him until then,” the doctor announces as she carefully settles the baby into Felicity now cradled arms. Oliver has his arm around her shoulder as he looks in wonderment at his son. 

Bright blue eyes stare up at the new parents as the baby makes calming cooing noises. Their eyes mist with absolute amazement at the life they created.

Oliver can’t take his eyes off his son as he whispers, afraid to make this precious angel cry, “He’s perfect.”

“He has your eyes,” Felicity cries. Tears now openly streaming down her face.

The clearing of the doctor’s throat tells them that it’s time for his second Apgar. As soon as the baby is taken from her, Felicity feels such an intense sadness. She wants to hold him in her arms forever and ever and never let him go. After a quick minute, she has her precious baby boy back in her arms. The baby still cooing happily at his parents.

“So,” the doctor interrupts quietly, “do we have a name for this little guy?”

“Yes,” they both answer. Their eyes collide in their happiness. Felicity inclines her head for Oliver to say the name, knowing exactly how much this means to him.

With a proud smile, he states his son’s name with the upmost pride, “His name is Thomas Robert Queen.”

“That’s a lovely name,” the doctor comments. “Mr. Queen, do you mind giving me a moment with your wife. We have one last thing for her to push out and then we’re going to wheel her to recovery. Maybe you can show the new addition to the hundred of people in our waiting room.”

Felicity watches him leave with their baby, a small smile gracing her face. She follows the doctor’s instruction, but doesn’t really comprehend what is being said. Before she knows it, she’s in a hospital room with her baby in the plastic crib by her bed with her husband laying next to her. 

“We made that,” Felicity whispers in astonishment. The sight of the sleeping baby bringing her the upmost pride. “We made a human being, Oliver.”

“A pretty perfect one on too,” he whispers before kissing the crown of her head once more.

“As much as I love Tommy already,” Felicity starts but is forced to stop because of the yawn ripping it’s way from her body. “I really need to just take a nap. Maybe for the next ten years.”

Chuckling, Oliver moves so that Felicity can cuddle comfortably into his side. In the small hospital bed, they slowly let their eyes droop. They’re breathing slows and it’s almost an after thought when Felicity mumbles, “Hold my hand, I’m falling asleep.”

VI.

After many happy years together and three children, Oliver has to face the hardest thing he has ever had to do. As nature often does without any doubt or hesitation, their bodies began to break down. They weren’t as agile as before and they had more wrinkles than they would like to comment on. Oliver always assumed that he would be the first to break down. Five years abandoned without the modern comforts, years of beating up thugs on the street and countless major villains and injuries, Oliver assumed it would be a fact that he would be the first to go. Yet, as fates has is designed to be cruel and unrelenting. 

The soft knock on the door pulls him from his musings and the background noise of the heart monitor. William peaks his head in before opening the door fulling. Behind him, his younger siblings follow. Lyla Dinah Queen and Thomas both follow behind him, their pinkies intertwined. The sight makes Oliver’s eyes water behind his glasses. He remembers Felicity all but forcing them to hold hands whenever they went out because Lyla Dinah loved to run away from the group. Behind them John, Lyla, John Jr., and Baby Sara all follow in. Even though Baby Sara is far from a baby and actually has babies of her own now, the affectionate nickname stuck. Lyla has to quickly sit in the chair as the short walk has winded her even with the aid of the walker. John Jr. quietly wheels his father’s wheelchair next to his mother. The last to enter is Thea and Dinah Drake with intertwined hands. Their eyes red from crying. 

“How is she’s doing today, Dad?” William asks before dropping a kiss on his stepmother’s forehead. 

Oliver has to clear his throat, but his voice is still gravelly, “Not good. The doctor’s gave her some medicine for the pain. They say she’s pretty close.”

William sets a firm hand on Oliver’s shoulder as everyone in the room stares at Felicity’s near lifeless body. 

John is the first to break the silence. “I… I never thought she would be the first to go. She’s so pure, it almost doesn’t seem fair.”

“I know, though, that she probably doesn’t want us all to stand around crying over her bed,” Lyla comments, her own eyes tearing up at the sight of her friend, her best friend honestly, lying on her deathbed. “I think we should tell our favorite stories about her. I’m sure she can still hear, it would make her happy to hear something good one more time.”

They all nod, but none of them seem to really have the strength to start. They sit quiet for five, ten minutes before William speaks up. Instead of speaking to the group like Felicity is already dead, he talks directly to his stepmother. “It was right before you got married to my dad or it might have been right after you guys got engaged. I was so nervous because I never had two parents. I already loved you, Felicity. You are so nice and kind to me even though I really didn’t expect you to be. I had read all these stories about evil stepmothers and a few of my friends even had their own stories, but you were the absolute opposite of those. You were just as nervous when you knocked on the door to my room.

“You babbled about how you could never replace my mother and that the bond we had had was special and could never be replaced. You were so insistent that no matter who my father married, my mother was my mom. I listened to the entire babble and waited until you were out of breath. Do you remember what I told you? I told you that I was so happy that you and my dad were getting married. That I knew that Samantha would always be my mom, but that you would also be my mom. You are my mom, Mom. I’m so happy that I got to call you that for the majority of my life and that you were there whenever I needed you. I love you so much.”

William places another kiss on her forehead, before taking up his place behind Oliver, both hands placed on the older Queen’s shoulders. Lyla Dinah sniffles loudly at her big brother’s words. Oliver lets the tears fall freely from his eyes. It’s a few more silent moments before any of them are composed enough to continue. Tommy decided to speak to his mom, one last time.

“Mom, I could not have asked for a better you. I don’t know if you remember, I barely remember it, but I was about five maybe six when you were walking me to school. My backpack was bigger than I was. You held my hand and I was holding Lyla Dinah’s pinkie. She was holding a little hand held mirror and pretending to be a crossing guard with the actual crossing guy. You were so emotional, but you hide it well. We went to my classroom and I wasn’t sure if I had more trouble letting go or if you had more trouble letting me go. You hid it really well though. It wasn’t until years later I even realized how much it tore you up. Everyday after school you would ask me how my day was, without fail. One day, for whatever reason, before you could even ask me, I started ramble on and on about the day. It was so exciting because we took a field trip to see a Peter Pan play and we rode a train. It was so magical. Then the next day when you asked me about my day, I snapped at you. I asked why you always ask me that. You told me that it’s because you would always want to know what is going on in my life. That everything I did is important and you want to be a part of it even if you couldn’t physically be there. From that day on, I told you about my day and my problems without you ever having to ask.”

Oliver chuckles at his story, remembering Felicity calling him crying after dropping Tommy off the first day. He remembers having to drive back home to comfort her because she wasn’t ready to let go. She had babbled about how even thought she walks William to school everyday, this was different because it reminded her that her children were growing up.

“Felicity, asking me to be her maid of honor is my happiest memory of her,” Dinah blurts out. Her composure nonexistent as she looks at her best friend. “I knew that we were close but I didn’t think that we were maid of honor close. She did this whole cheesy movie thing where she sent me on a scavenger hunt around the city. At the end she was at my house with a giant banner and she was kneeling on one knee. She was holding a unicorn cupcake. The banner asked me if I wanted to be her maid of honor. I remember making a joke about how all you Queens had a flair for the dramatic and crying my eyes out because I had never been asked to be a part of a wedding before before. We spent the night watching Made of Honor which then lead us to watching Grey’s Anatomy and eating more ice cream than should be legal.”

Everyone chuckles at that remembering the Instagram post attack that had followed. Felicity had documented everything, even the crying faces they had made when Derek had died. They even had to listen to Felicity recount the whole story in the lab with full reenactments. Dinah and Felicity had been inseparable since then, even FaceTiming during the honeymoon, much to the chagrin of Oliver.

Diggle and Lyla hold each other as tears rush down their face. A small sob leaves Lyla, which is enough of a signal to John to tell their story. “Lyla and I were actually talking about it last night. Our favorite Felicity moments. We have so many of them and we basically stayed up all night talking about it. We both decided that our favorite moment was right after Baby Sara was born. We already asked her to be the godmother and she took that very seriously. She came into the room with so many balloons that we thought she was going to fly out the window. We all thought that until we saw she was all but dragging a giant stuffed animal behind her. She threw them in the chair before bending over and started rambling to Baby Sara in the highest pitched voice we had ever hear. We… We knew in that moment that we had made the right choice in picking Felicity as our godmother. We have a ton of other moments that we absolutely love about her, but I don’t think we should take up all the time.”

Diggle stands on weak, shaking legs to press a kiss onto Felicity’s forehead for the last time. The amount of strength it took him to stand up tired him out immediately. He fell back into the chair exhausted. With a groan, Diggle turns to his son and daughter, “I think we should go. Leave her with her family.”

“You are our family, John,” Oliver offers quickly. “I don’t want you to feel like you ever need to leave.”

“It’s okay, Oliver. I… I don’t think that I can be here when she… you know. I have seen a lot, but that is one thing I just can’t force myself to see.”

“I’ll push you outside,” Baby Sara offers, her eyes bloodshot from the tears. “I don’t think I can even muster the strength to do what we’ve been doing. I’m sorry. I love you, Aunt Felicity.”

The Diggles slowly make their way out of the room. Each of them pressing a kiss on her forehead or hand. Dinah follows after them as she can’t contain the near hysteric sobs leaving her. Oliver watches sadly as his family leaves the room. It’s killing him inside to see them go, but he understands. A part of him wants to join them because the thought of watching the love of his life die before his eyes might be the thing to finally kill him. Yet he knows that no force in the earth could move him from her side.

“I… I… I really want to say something to her, but I… I…” Thea sobs out looking at her sister. She had never seen Felicity look so fragile even when she was lying paralyzed in a hospital bed. 

Oliver reaches for his little sister’s hand. Their wrinkled hands a reminder that they are not kids anymore. He squeezes it as tightly as he can, which is paled compared to what it used to be. “It’s okay, Thea. She knows. She knows how much you love her. She knows all your favorite moments because they’re her favorite moments too.”

“I’m going to wait outside. One of my nephews can drive me home when you guys are done,” Thea finishes lamely, the lump in her throat makes it so she can barely be heard. She slowly makes her way to her sister-in-law. She whispers a quiet ‘I love you’ before leaving her room.

“Do you want to be alone with her, Dad?” Lyla Dinah asks, her hand joining her brother’s on their father’s shoulder. Tommy stands off to the back, just staring at his mother. It is almost like he is trying to will her to wake up.

“Would I be a bad father if I say yes?” Oliver jokes weakly.

“No. We understand, Dad. I’m going to take Aunt Thea home. We’ll be back tomorrow okay?” William offers as he squeezing his dad’s shoulders in goodbye. Each of his children hug him, say they love him, tell their mother goodbye and kiss her. Once again, Oliver is alone with his love. Her heartbeat steady according the monitor. 

“I love you, Felicity Smoak-Queen,” he whispers, taking her hand and lifting it off the bed. It seems the motion causes her to stir slightly. It scares Oliver for a moment because she is suppose to be almost in a near coma due to the pain medication.

Her eyelids flutter open and connect with her husband’s. A weak smile graces her face which emphasizes her smile lines. There is a small squeeze from Felicity which makes Oliver heart soar. She feebly opens her mouth but it seems like a lot of effort to her. Her jaw yo-yoing in an effort to get out the words. They finally fall out in a hushed tone that Oliver thanks his hearing aides for because without them there is no way he could have heard them. “Hold. Hand. Fall. Sleep.”

A watery smile is plastered on him as the tears rush unchecked down his face. “You know I will always hold your hand as you fall asleep. You are the love of my life.”

With those magic words, words that have been uttered countless times throughout their relationship, Felicity closes her eyes a final time. The monitor beside her lets out a long single beep. A soft, almost silent exhale leaves her. 

Oliver starts to cry while holding her still warm hand. The tears hitting her unresponsive hand. The air doesn’t seem to want to reach his lungs as the loud beep that signals Felicity is no longer alive sounds continuously. 

It happens in a such a blur that he almost doesn’t notice it, but somehow he is standing in front of her coffin in a graveyard on an absolutely gorgeously sunny day. It doesn’t feel right. It feels like it should be storming and pouring down buckets of rain as the universe cried for the loss of this bright light. Then again, she was such a bright light that maybe this is her final way of showing that she was there for them. Each member of the Queen and Diggle family say their final goodbyes. Dinah gives a flowery eulogy. Finally it is time for Oliver to speak. He stands slowly, leaning heavily on his cane. With a steeled back, he tells his family the words he spent all week writing.

“Thank you all for being here. I know Felicity would appreciate it. On her deathbed, most of us said what our favorite memories of her were. I never got to say mine. Mostly because if I did it would make it feel like the end and I wasn’t ready. Also, because when you spend your life with someone like Felicity, it’s so hard to pick a specific moment. Felicity Meghan Smoak-Queen was and will remain the love of my life. Her light and brilliance brought a new meaning to me. She was the light that guided my way. She was my always and I am so happy that I got the chance to be hers. This week gave me the opportunity to sit down and think about my favorite moments with her. I don’t think many people know, but we had a tradition before bed. She would always ask me to hold her hand, because she was falling asleep and I would almost always promise to hold her hand. That is my favorite moment with her, because it is so many of our moments.

“It started way before we even began dating. It was the night of the Undertaking. I had just lost my best friend and I was ready to run away until I heard that Felicity was in the hospital. I stopped by her room and I asked her how she could be so selfless. I asked her that because she was urging me to be with my family after the loss of Tommy while she was in a hospital bed without any family at all. Her pain medicine had kicked in and she asked me to hold her hand, she was falling asleep. From that moment on, I never wanted to let go. I still don’t want to let go, but I know I have to. I love you, Felicity. I miss you. I can’t wait to see you again.”

After Oliver’s speech, they lower the casket into the grave. Everyone gathers around to throw a fistful of dirt into the six foot hole as they say a final goodbye. They move to a reception and celebrate the life of Felicity with many laughs and smiles.

Later that night, Oliver retires to his bedroom feeling more tired than usual. He shuffles to his bed, takes off his glasses and hearing aids and all but collapses in their bed on her side. He lays down, the world seeming to slip away from him. In his last moments of consciousness, he feels a pressure on his hand almost as if someone is holding it. With a long sigh, Oliver closes his eyes. He quietly mutters, “Hold my hand, I’m falling asleep.”

All three Queen children go to their childhood home to comfort their father only to find his lifeless body in their parent’s bed. A small sad smile remains on his face through the corner ride and the final descent into his grave, right next to his wife’s.


End file.
